The Beginning...

Most people begin their adoption blogs at the beginning of their journey.  I'm a little behind the times -- no surprise to those who know me.  We are already logged in with China and have been pre-approved for a 10 year old boy named Zhi'an.  This first blog will be long because I am taking you waaaay back to the beginning of our adoption stories (yes, more than one).  Bear with me, and I promise future posts will not be quite so long!
     Our adoption story began about 20 years ago when the youngest of our 4 older children was about 2 years old.  For some unknown and crazy reason God planted in my heart the desire for another child.  I know it doesn't make sense to most people -- I already had 4 children under the age of 10.  But, the longing was there.
     While I was pregnant with Troy (the 4th baby), Bill and I endured many supposedly humorous and sometimes snide comments from friends and strangers alike.  "Don't you know what causes this?" was just one remark we must have heard a hundred times.  Being young ( I was 27) and not as strong in my faith, I let others suck the joy and pride I should have felt right out of me.  When the doctor suggested I have my tubes tied, I agreed.  My girlhood dream of a large family was accomplished, and apparently I needed to stop having babies.
     So what did I do with my new heart's desire?  Why, I kept it a secret of course!  I didn't want anyone to think I had flipped my lid.  I didn't even tell my husband.  The only one I dared discuss it with was the one who had placed it in my heart to begin with.  My secret was safe with Him!  My prayer went kind of like this:
God, I know nothing is impossible with you.  If you want our family to grow, you will provide.  I also know there are consequences for our actions (having my tubes tied), but I also know your mercies are neverending.  I know you hear my prayer and I'll just wait for your answer (but can you please hurry up, I'm not getting any younger).  
     I know some of you are thinking, "Why didn't you just get your tubes untied?"  Well, remember I still hadn't told my husband how I felt (I know, I should have).  Bill was living life and loving it and he seemed 100% happy with the way things were.  Basically, I was chicken.  So each year and sometimes each month I just continued my prayer, "I'm still waiting...I'm still believing...".
     God had plans -- big plans.  He let us in on them in June of 2003, and in October of that same year Leanna joined our family in a way that only God could have orchestrated.  Her story is amazing, but not the one we're focusing on right now.  God had answered my prayers in a better way than I could have imagined, and I thought our family was finally complete.  God was looking down and snickering.  For 8 years I enjoyed raising Leanna as a kind-of only child (the others were about grown) -- much different than having 4 stair-step kids.  But then, out of no where it happened.  THE LONGING.  My immediate reaction was, "Oh no, I lost my mind.  I landed on the other side of menopause without my brain!"  Then I heard God's voice.  It sounded strangely like Leanna, and it said "sure would be nice if I had someone to do my schoolwork with."  O.K.  I heard you...  This time I did share with Bill what I felt God was saying and thus the beginning of our journey to Isaac.