In an earlier blog, I skimmed over a question that deserved more attention. It is the question all international adoption parents hear : why are you going way over there, when there are so many children right here in the United States. I tried to ignore the question on my first blog because it is hard and it requires me to really look inside myself for the answer.
Yesterday, I read an e-mail from another adoptive parent that asked, "How do you respond to the person who says "Congratulations, but I sure wish it was a kid from the United States." My first reaction was a smart-alec response -- "If you really care so much about these kids, here's the phone number to the nearest foster care agency." Oh dear... I have a long way to go in my walk with Jesus.
I'm sure everyone has different reasons and probably it is a combination of reasons that lead people overseas, but here are some of the most common reasons: God lead me to this country, the adoption requirements fit our needs, and I'm afraid my child will find their birthparents later and forget about me. I heard many stories of frustration and heartache with trying to adopt domestically before it was my turn to travel through the adoption maze. So, I did what most people do. I believed the stories and skipped straight to the international adoption websites looking for the easiest path. My oh my, I had a lot to learn.
I'm about to share a truth with you that is going to make me look unloving and absolutely stupid, but I know I don't stand alone. There are many others who have adopted or are on the journey that are guilty of the same crime. I'm just foolish enough to share it and in need of the cleansing power of confession.
Everyone wants a happily-ever-after family. Everyone wants a problem-free life. I was afraid that if we adopted an older child in the United States, he/she would carry emotional baggage that I wouldn't be able to handle. Everyone has heard the stories of neglect and abuse and reuniting children over and over in hopes of keeping children and their birthparents together. I had heard that by the time a child was available for adoption in the United States, they had gone through a terrible time that left many, many scars. Does that mean they don't deserve the healing power of a loving family? Certainly not.
What was I thinking? Did I really think that if I brought home a child from China with a physical need, he would not have emotional issues also? Let's think this through: this child is in an orphanage because he had been abandoned and 2 white aliens who don't speak his language come and carry him to a foreign land where everything looks and smells different and I think he won't have issues? Was I really so naive? Yes.
I know so much more than I did at the beginning of our journey to Isaac. Lifeline does an excellent job of educating potential adoptive parents and I have done A LOT of reading on my own (books, blogs and research on the computer). You don't get far in the process without the people at Lifeline making sure you know what you're getting yourself into. And yet we continue on...
Why? Because God is with me. Because I can trust He has my back and that of a 10-year-old boy. If we feel led to adopt again, would we consider a child from the foster care system in the United States? Absolutely! God has shown me that what I lack, He will provide. We all have emotional, physical and spiritual baggage. Thank goodness we have a God strong enough and loving enough to hold us close and never abandon us.
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